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The Things Some Men Would Do To Get Waffles. And Cash.

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Once, not so long ago (until Thursday night, to be precise), pitchfork were a noble tool, used for backbreaking and honest work of millions of farmers worldwide. Thanks to a petty criminal in Atlanta, they have now gained a reputation of a weapon. Not a very straightforward one, mind you, but still a weapon.

Apparently, that’s the potential that Jeffery Wooten, 50, saw in pitchforks when he found out he was short on cash, we presume. Because, well, the man must’ve had some serious craving (munchies?) for sweets since he ventured into robbing a waffle house – of all things – with said tool. He infiltrated the shop and forced everyone present into the back room pointing pitchfork at them. Admittedly, he did not actually steal waffles but the cash register.

While running back to his getaway truck, he dropped the pitchfork, which was grabbed by waffle’s house employee who chased him and broke the window on his truck as Wooten was running away. Numerous witnesses testified against Wooten who was caught red-handed committing the crime in broad daylight.

The police force, possibly dumbfounded by the unlikeliness of such crime, are still searching for Wooten state-wide. Wooten was caught on tape by security cameras and the police has a clear image of his appearance. And given his reliance on archaic gadgetry, he probably won’t be too hard to catch either. They should just look for a guy with a horse for a motorbike or a car.

So there we have it, an old-school robbery, even harking back to the lawless days of the Wild West, style-wise. And we can’t help but think that Wooten was doing his Poseidon impersonation all along, with the trident and all. Or perhaps he was Devil in disguise?

Update: The plot thickens, as Wooten was reportedly arrested in Tennessee after breaking into a house and killing its resident with a gun on Friday evening! Wooten stole the man’s SUV and that’s when the police car chase began, resulting in Wooten crashing into a yard and suffering from minor injuries. Wooten has therefore added a murder to his list of crimes and he will soon be charged with both murder and theft before Georgia court.

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